2nd tantrum of the day triggered 10.48pm

Dear Mom, Im not who you think I am. Im not what u expect me to be.

U think I dun want to help u with house work? I intend to do so after my exams.

And I dun think im spolit by u or abah coz i work hard for my degree also.

I dun think Im smart coz I dun go to Raffles. I believe i dun appear snobbish.

And for your information, Abah forward all ur msgs to me, so that I noe how u feel.

I noe how u feel, u just dun trust me n my intentions. U never believe in me. Ur a mother, doesnt make u right all the time? Atop jumping to conclusions, stop accussing other people.

How come u didnt see that im trying to change? im turning 21 and i wanna start behaving like 21. How come U never see me making the effort? Its not fair for me.and since when did i make this house like a hotel? do i come home late at night? I came home almost puctually from home or school. i asked ur permission of i can come home early. I dun go out with frens anymore, because of u. I dun go out to town with my frens, coz i noe i have family, whom i can go to town with. U taught me all this, and u think it didnt get to me.

yes I yelled at u,. Im sorry. I went overboard, but just becuz of that u wanna treat me like this.

do u think abah spoil me thats why ur jealous of me? are u?

Why am i being treated this way ma, why? i thought i made u proud when i grad sch n didnt stop studying. i thought i listened to u by going to JC when i didnt consider it in the first place. dun deny it, i remember it clearly.why am i treated this way, when i help u to pay off my fees. and when i worry abt my fees at first u say "Dun worry, u have me n abah" and now u tell me "aku dah buang byk duit suro kau belaja" does it ever occur to u how hurt i was?

Do u noe whats my reason my continuing my studies? its u and abah. I want to pay both of u back. its a lifetime debt for me coz u both raised me up, though the journey may have hurt me.

Do u noe whats the reason i wanna take driving lessons? do u noe what i pray for? i said : "Please God, let me pass this 3rd test. im doing this for ma n abah" n so my niat was right. u thought me that ma, everything starts n ends well with the right niat.

Havent i been making u proud? for pursuing my further studies? do u noe how hard is it for me to work n school at the same time? have u ever feel that? have u ever step aside n think how i feel? do i ever complain? all i need is a blessing, ur blessing

I just wish u have faith in me. i respect u alot. I know what i did in the past hurts u, but tt doesnt mean im bad. U have no idea how i feel coz i never tell. u wld never understand hw i feel as a teenager in this era.

i better stop this, my head hurts coz im crying too much